Believe it or not, there are more
ways to learn about screenwriting other than watching movies or reading books
about “the trade”. Screenwriter John August, famous for his work with Tim
Burton on the projects Big Fish, Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride, Dark Shadows, and Frankenweenie, makes this possible for
everyone with internet access. With his series of “how to” videos on YouTube,
August passes his screenwriting knowledge along to us novice viewers. What I
liked about his videos, that contrasted the both Christopher Keane’s How to
Write a Selling Screenplay and Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat!, was that they were experiential. When
clicking on each of the under-ten-minute tutorials, I watched over August’s
shoulder as he edited an already existing scene. Not only did he mesmerize me
by the soft typing of his keyboard in the background, but he also helped me
visualize the lessons he was teaching.
In true John August fashion, I
edited my own scene as he edited his. Like in his movie Frankenweenie, I saw my own creation transform before my very eyes.
Before I reveal my new and improved There’s
a Picture., I thought I would give you the directions from point A to point
B, Mapquest style. Throughout this process, I have to admit that at times, I pretended
like I was on the MTV show, Pimp My Ride.
In his video entitled “Entering a
Scene”, August stresses the importance of starting at the conflict. Or for
those of you who secretly love clichés like I do, he told us to “cut to the
chase”. Start with action, so to speak! In order to do so, I cut out some of
the description and focused more on the characters on screen, particularly in
the initial scene description. One point that really stuck out to me in
August’s narrative was that the page should represent the pace of the scene.
Therefore, for active sequences the description should be “no longer than three
lines”, which I tried to adhere to in my revision. Also, I changed lines like
“Theresa stares at the flowers in her hands” to “She rearranges the flowers in
her hands” because the latter created a more dynamic moment. And August argues
that a good movie is made up of dynamic moments all linked together.
One of the funnier points that
August made, but no less true, was that your reader is going to have seen a
movie before. What August means by this is that we don’t have to thoroughly
explain each development in the plot. Acting upon his advice, I then altered lines
like “William holds Harry’s hand, but it doesn’t seem strange”, and “Prince
Charles ignores all of their questions”. In doing so, I am relying on the
dialogue and more physical descriptions to speak for the story itself. Similarly,
August urges us to allow the actors to act.
As a result of this advice, lines like “This middle-aged woman is plump and
unhappy”, “A look of confusion passes over his face” and “Theresa thinks about
saying something, but doesn’t” seemed unnecessary to me.
However, August also implies that while
minimal description is best, there still needs to be clarity throughout the
script. In order to make sure that I didn’t lose any of my readers, I adjusted
the scene so that the day, month, year and place are provided via text on the
screen. Because this scene is dependent on a time period—the aftermath of
Princess Diana’s tragic accident—, I clued my audience in using this visual
technique.
Looking at my scene from the perspective
of “the man with the red pen”, I learned that there is still a lot more I need
to learn about molding scenes into masterpieces. However, with the help of my
new screenwriting pals, Christopher, Blake, and John, (yes, we are officially
on a first name basis…), I feel like I’m inching closer towards that point when
I get to call myself an official screenwriter.
For those of you who are interested, here
lies There’s A Picture., attempt #2.
RIP.
THERE’S A PICTURE. SCRIPT
EXT. KENSINGTON PALACE, LONDON -- DAY
SOLDIERS in traditional
uniform guard the gates of the palace as thousands of MASCARA-STREAKED FACES
lay flowers in front of it, mourning the death of Princess Diana.
Text appears at the bottom
of the screen. It reads:
SEPTEMBER 3, 1997. KENSINGTON PALACE.
THERESA, a skinny woman in
her early 30s, stands amidst the crowd, timid. The BUSTLE of people around her
is especially loud. She rearranges the flowers in her hands, but doesn’t put
them down.
A MOTHER scolds her SON
and Theresa turns...
MOTHER
Quit
whining. Just take these and set them down for mummy.
The plump, middle-aged woman
kneels in front of her son and grabs his chin, forcing the young boy to face
her.
MOTHER
Go on, don’t be shy now.
She pushes him lightly in
the back. Flowers in hand, he steps closer to the gates.
MOTHER
Oh poor, poor Diana!
The mother sighs a bit too
loudly and covers her face with her hands. A WOMAN behind Theresa points towards
the gates.
WOMAN
They’re coming! They’re coming this way!
Theresa turns to see FIVE
MEN in black suits walking militantly towards them. This is PRINCE CHARLES,
PRINCE WILLIAM, PRINCE
HARRY, and TWO BODY GUARDS.
Holding Harry’s hand,
William pulls him forward. MEDIA PERSONEL with cameras, microphones, and tape
recorders shove passed Theresa. The Soldiers hold them off.
A HYSTERICAL TEENAGE GIRL
starts yelling from the crowd...
GIRL
I love
you!
The crowd ERRUPTS as the
princes come to a stop at the gate. Media personnel struggle to slip their
microphones passed the soldiers.
REPORTER #1
How has this tragedy affected the royal family?
REPORTER #2
Why won’t the Queen speak to the public?
REPORTER #3
Where is the Queen?
REPORTERS #1, #2, and #3
all speak at once. Prince Charles leans closer to one of the microphones...
PRINCE CHARLES
I
would like to thank you all for your support through this trying time for me
and my family.
He steps back from the
microphone and waves to the crowd.
ZOOM IN on Prince Harry,
staring at all of the flowers. He then grins at the rest of the eager crowd,
but it seems out of place. Theresa stands still, watching.
The crowd surges forward,
and a mini brawl between the Media and the crowd begins. Cameras are dropped, BREAKING
on the sidewalk.
Theresa backs away slowly.
Bumps into the boy she saw earlier. He is WAILING, but his Mother is nowhere to
be seen.
Theresa reaches the curb.
She throws the bouquet into a trashcan and doesn’t look back.
Fade to Black.
MOVIES WATCHED: 4
SCREENPLAY PAGES WRITTEN: 16
NOVEL PAGES WRITTEN: 60
PAGES LEFT IN MISS PEREGRINE’S HOME FOR
PECULIAR
CHILDREN: 248
PAGES LEFT IN THE HOURS: 178
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